Maury: "I have a son that's not mine, and I love him as if he was my own" Options

[Not the father]

I've seen a few shows where it was determined the guy was not the father, and the guy wanted to be the father. Maury tries to comfort him by saying that he (Maury) has a child that he's not the father of, and he loves him as much as he does his biological children.

The flaw in that logic is that Maury chose to adopt a child; he made a conscious, informed decision to raise a child that was not his. These men who've raised kids that they believed were theirs did not have that option.

If they knew up front that someone else was the biological father, they might or might not have decided to raise the kid as their own; but at least they'd go into it knowing what the deal was.

I don't doubt that Maury loves his adopted son, but it's not the same.

[ladyorion]

Okay, I'm going to take a STAB in the dark here, and ask you this: have you been through something like this, to take such an adamant stand as you have? Are you speaking from firsthand experience? I mean, based on the way you presented the post, w/certain words in bold print, and just the structure itself, I think begs the question: Have you been through this?

I'm just wondering. And you make a good point, Maury did make a conscious choice to adopt his son, and while MANY of these men do NOT get that privilege. On the other hand, however, notice how MANY of them STILL choose to stay, even when they don't have to, AFTER it's been proven that they're not the father. And once that happens, that "line in the sand," separating them from Maury's "situation" starts becoming less and less distinct, but I understand what you're saying.

[Not the father]

No, I'm not speaking from personal experience. But in this case I don't need to have "been there" to know that there are some men who, through circumstances not of their own choosing, have wound up creating an emotional bond with children that it was later determined was not theirs.

Hypothetical situation:

John: "I love this child with all my heart, and I'm always going to be there for him, but Maury, if I'm not the father, I'm going to be just devastated. I don't know if I can ever trust Jane again."

Jane: (crying) "I'm so, so sorry, John, I hope you can forgive me for cheating on you."

Maury: "Well, let's find out the results right now. In the case of two-year-old Jimmy... John, you are not the father!"

Jane: (crying)

John: (runs off stage)

Maury: (finds John and comforts him) "John, it's going to be okay. I've got a child who I'm not the father of, and he's just as much a part of my family as my other children. So if I can accept it, I think you should accept it too."

Now, here's how I'd like John to respond: "It's not the same! Connie didn't string you along for two years into thinking that was really your kid like Jane did to me! You knew the kid wasn't yours... I didn't!"

On the other hand, however, notice how MANY of them STILL choose to stay, even when they don't have to, AFTER it's been proven that they're not the father.

Which is admirable on their part.

But Maury's trying to equate his conscious choice with their situation isn't.

[ladyorion]

I see that you feel VERY strongly about this, for someone who hasn't gone through it, but good point though.

[TonyCap]

It might be a good idea to do a follow up story in order to see if these guys really do treat these kids as their own. I find it hard to believe, but then again, anything is possible.

[robohobo]

I was just thinking the same thing this morning, during my 8am post waking up bleary-eyed Maury watching.

I couldn't ever, EVER stay with my wife were she to be knocked up by other than me. Just no way in ****.

[beautifullystron...]

I am woman and I feel very strongly that it is wrong for Maury or anyone else who has adopted a child to make their situation comparable to someone who has been strung along. I think it's unfair not only to that person but the person who is really the child's father. What if that person doesn't want the other man to act as the father? The biological father may want to actually parent his child.

I guess what I find interesting though is the number of men who will end the relationship because the child is not theirs but stay if the child is. Now there is something to be said for keeping the family unit together BUT most of the time their response is that if the child isn't theirs then they can't trust her... whether the child is theirs or not, she still cheated!

[sleep is my mist...]

That's an interesting point, Beautifullystrong. When Maury reads "You are the father", most of those guys jump up all happy and embrace the woman that they would leave if they weren't the father. ......Be happy that the child is yours, but obviously the relationship is iffy at best.


Of course, if somebody cheated on me, I'd boot them out the door. I have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing. Of course, I'd expect the same high standards from any woman I was with. So maybe I'm a little biased on the subject. Maybe these dudes are sooooooo happy that the child is theirs that they get lost in the moment?

[aysanakiins]

That's an interesting point, Beautifullystrong. When Maury reads "You are the father", most of those guys jump up all happy and embrace the woman that they would leave if they weren't the father. ......Be happy that the child is yours, but obviously the relationship is iffy at best.


Of course, if somebody cheated on me, I'd boot them out the door. I have a zero tolerance policy for that sort of thing. Of course, I'd expect the same high standards from any woman I was with. So maybe I'm a little biased on the subject. Maybe these dudes are sooooooo happy that the child is theirs that they get lost in the moment?

So true, hm... the guys who jump up all happy after the kid is theres...meanwhile 10 mins ago their like " IMAA LEAVE U IF ITS NOT MINE"clearly its for publicity I mean c'mon ,..obviously someone isnt gunna be like.. IM LEAVEN YOU...CAUSE THE BABY IS MINE... lmao..they'd look retarded on tv..

[beautifullystron...]

So true, hm... the guys who jump up all happy after the kid is theres...meanwhile 10 mins ago their like " IMAA LEAVE U IF ITS NOT MINE"clearly its for publicity I mean c'mon ,..obviously someone isnt gunna be like.. IM LEAVEN YOU...CAUSE THE BABY IS MINE... lmao..they'd look retarded on tv..

Most of them look silly anyway

[GoodGuy30]

What Mr. Povich needs to understand is not everybody is like him. I got a 2-year-old daughter, and if my wife (Julie) brought me on the show to tell me she cheated on me and our daughter (Nicole) might not be mine, that would be bad enough. If I was not the father, it would be over between my wife and I. Backstage, I would take off my ring, give it to her, and tell her to go to ****. If Maury tried giving me that line about meeting with his counselor or him having a kid that is not his, I would remind him that I don't have to do anything he tells me to do. I would remind him that "once a cheater, always a cheater". I would have to follow my heart in that situation, and no, this has not happened to me, and I hope it doesn't.

[sleep is my mist...]

What Mr. Povich needs to understand is not everybody is like him. I got a 2-year-old daughter, and if my wife (Julie) brought me on the show to tell me she cheated on me and our daughter (Nicole) might not be mine, that would be bad enough. If I was not the father, it would be over between my wife and I. Backstage, I would take off my ring, give it to her, and tell her to go to ****. If Maury tried giving me that line about meeting with his counselor or him having a kid that is not his, I would remind him that I don't have to do anything he tells me to do. I would remind him that "once a cheater, always a cheater". I would have to follow my heart in that situation, and no, this has not happened to me, and I hope it doesn't.

But would it be over if the child was yours? I think even if I was the father, my wife announcing on TV that she had cheated, and lied about it, and deceived me for x length of time would be enough for me to leave.

[ladyorion]

What Mr. Povich needs to understand is not everybody is like him. I got a 2-year-old daughter, and if my wife (Julie) brought me on the show to tell me she cheated on me and our daughter (Nicole) might not be mine, that would be bad enough. If I was not the father, it would be over between my wife and I. Backstage, I would take off my ring, give it to her, and tell her to go to ****. If Maury tried giving me that line about meeting with his counselor or him having a kid that is not his, I would remind him that I don't have to do anything he tells me to do. I would remind him that "once a cheater, always a cheater". I would have to follow my heart in that situation, and no, this has not happened to me, and I hope it doesn't.

After watching Maury today, I understand what you're saying, GoodGuy. There was this woman (I forgot the names) whose husband took a lie detector test, and he FAILED (*shocker*), and she's four months pregnant w/their SECOND child. Well, Maury was like "I'm going to have you talk to my counselor, and work this out," and I was like: "WHAT THE H*LL!?!?" I'm almost threw a brick at the tv! Even Dr.Phil doesn't "help" those that don't want it! I mean, I LOVE Maury, but that was WAY too much! I would have been like, "No Maury, you don't know what this pain is like, being pregnant and THEN finding out that your spouse is cheating on you, so you REALLY don't know what you're talking about."

"You won't know what it's like to be in someone's shoes, until you've walked a day in their mocassins."

[VietnamVet46]

I created an account just to post the same thing "NOTTHEFATHER" but of course, the site isn't letting me create a new topic.

To compare "sitting down with his wife and making a decision as a couple about adoption" with "taking a plane to NY to go on the maury show and finding out that your wife was sleeping with your cousin and, oh, by the way, the baby isn't yours" is insulting.

There's no betrayal involved in adoption, and frankly it's probably the most idiotic and insulting analogy I've ever heard.

I expected more from you Maury.

[hotpinkurinalmin...]

Two things Maury is also missing is that Maury was not deceived when he chose to adopt a child and Maury was financially capable of raising his adopted child.. Maury knew full well the child he adopted was not biologically his. Furthermore, Maury was financially comfortable and could raise his adopted child. Many, if not all, of Maury's guests are struggling to make ends meet. These men are putting themselves in dire financial straits raising [i]some other guy's[i] pawn.