Sad and Tired, Falling Apart Options

[Kaylie]

Hey Everyone,

I hate coming here and complaining about what is going wrong in my life but I really need someone to talk to and everyone in my life seems to be too busy to help little old me. I have been crying a lot lately and I'm afraid that my depression is starting to come back, full force. The thought of my depression coming back really scares me. One reason is that for the past year I have been a recovering cutter. I cut for 3 years before I finally started getting help. The cutting started shortly after the depression when I just couldn't deal with everything going on my life anymore. Now on to whats bothering me.
My mom finally kicked her lazy, dumba** of a boyfriend out, oh about 2 weeks ago. That's just the start though. The day after he moved out there was a new guy. Just 2 days after that he is spending the night and my mom is spending the night at his house. She is never home anymore. My mom works nights so the only time I get to see her is for about 5 minutes when she picks me up from Elementary Aide and brings me to school. And sometimes for half an hour when I get home from school. But lately she has been over at her boyfriends house or he is over here so I really don't get to talk to her. All she talks about is him and his 5 year old daughter. We, her family, don't come first in her life anymore. It's like me, her own daughter, is less important than her boyfriends daughter. All this just makes me want to scream "Why am I not good enough for you?!!!!!!"I know it's wrong to say and think but right now I really do hate my mom. She doesn't see that my depression is coming back and that I'm starting to think about cutting again more and more as the days pass. It just feels like she doesn't care anymore. And I really wish that this was all that was going on but it's not, sadly.
Another thing is, I have had a best friend for the past almost 6 years he lives in Colorado (I live in Minnesota) and recently he has told he that he doesn't have the time to talk to me anymore with everything that is going on in his busy life, but he does have time to hang out with his friends from school. He has been the only one that really understands and relates to what is going on in my life. I feel like I am completely alone and that I have no one to talk to because he is no longer there. And I always promised myself that I wouldn't relay on someone anymore but I relayed on him to be someone to listen to me when I needed it but he can't. It's also my senior year and I'm having a really hard time with that.
I really can't believe that this is my senior year and that I will be leaving for College in just one short year. Something that has been really hard for me is that fact that my dad died just 2 months into my freshman year, in high school. And now it's senior year, something he always wanted to see, and that he is not here to see me graduate and go off to college. I miss him like crazy and I know that everything that is happening with my mom wouldn't be happening if he was still here.
Well I have taken up enough of your time for those of you that have read this. Advice of comments would be greatly appreciated and taken into serious consideration.

Kaylie

[Kaylie]

What has happened to everyone on this site? It seems like everyone has disappeared. Posts are just being looked at and maybe read but not replied to.

[denisegarza24]

Hey Everyone,

I hate coming here and complaining about what is going wrong in my life but I really need someone to talk to and everyone in my life seems to be too busy to help little old me. I have been crying a lot lately and I'm afraid that my depression is starting to come back, full force. The thought of my depression coming back really scares me. One reason is that for the past year I have been a recovering cutter. I cut for 3 years before I finally started getting help. The cutting started shortly after the depression when I just couldn't deal with everything going on my life anymore. Now on to whats bothering me.
My mom finally kicked her lazy, dumba** of a boyfriend out, oh about 2 weeks ago. That's just the start though. The day after he moved out there was a new guy. Just 2 days after that he is spending the night and my mom is spending the night at his house. She is never home anymore. My mom works nights so the only time I get to see her is for about 5 minutes when she picks me up from Elementary Aide and brings me to school. And sometimes for half an hour when I get home from school. But lately she has been over at her boyfriends house or he is over here so I really don't get to talk to her. All she talks about is him and his 5 year old daughter. We, her family, don't come first in her life anymore. It's like me, her own daughter, is less important than her boyfriends daughter. All this just makes me want to scream "Why am I not good enough for you?!!!!!!"I know it's wrong to say and think but right now I really do hate my mom. She doesn't see that my depression is coming back and that I'm starting to think about cutting again more and more as the days pass. It just feels like she doesn't care anymore. And I really wish that this was all that was going on but it's not, sadly.
Another thing is, I have had a best friend for the past almost 6 years he lives in Colorado (I live in Minnesota) and recently he has told he that he doesn't have the time to talk to me anymore with everything that is going on in his busy life, but he does have time to hang out with his friends from school. He has been the only one that really understands and relates to what is going on in my life. I feel like I am completely alone and that I have no one to talk to because he is no longer there. And I always promised myself that I wouldn't relay on someone anymore but I relayed on him to be someone to listen to me when I needed it but he can't. It's also my senior year and I'm having a really hard time with that.
I really can't believe that this is my senior year and that I will be leaving for College in just one short year. Something that has been really hard for me is that fact that my dad died just 2 months into my freshman year, in high school. And now it's senior year, something he always wanted to see, and that he is not here to see me graduate and go off to college. I miss him like crazy and I know that everything that is happening with my mom wouldn't be happening if he was still here.
Well I have taken up enough of your time for those of you that have read this. Advice of comments would be greatly appreciated and taken into serious consideration.

Kaylie